Bully

"I don't believe in luck, but I believe in hope."

This is a quote from Alex, one of the kids featured in the documentary, "Bully" by filmmaker Lee Hirsch. A film every teacher, parent, child, and person should...no, must, see.

I'm going to post my thoughts on the film, but I wanted to start by saying that bullying is a subject near and dear to my heart. As a middle school student, I viewed and was part of many situations involving bullying. I was made fun of by several girls, pretty consistently, for my glasses and my 90 lb, underdeveloped, frame. I was too small to fit into any of the teen clothes at the mall. I argued with my mom about having to buy more clothes from the popular stores like American Eagle so they would stop making fun of me in the locker room. Now, looking back, I'm so thankful for my mom for being so supportive. I find it ridiculous that my younger self cared so much about what I looked like, but I think that's how most middle school kids feel. They just want to fit in. I played with barbies through the sixth grade, and had to hide it from other kids so they wouldn't know. One time, a girl called and invited me to her birthday party. She said that it was going to be a "barbie birthday party" and that she really wanted a new barbie. When I bought one for her, the other girls laughed at me and made fun of me. I remember crying that night when I got home from the party.

I read. All the time (still do). I remember being called, "the teacher's pet," and kids making fun of me for my desire to learn. A boy that I liked in sixth grade put a note in my locker that said, "There's no way in hell I'd go out with you." I was, and still am, terrible at sports, so I never had a "team" of kids that I belonged to. I preferred being part of the spelling bee or scholar quiz bowl, and kids felt threatened by that and alienated me. I did have friends, but due to the ever-changing nature of adolescence, my group of friends changed from year to year, and it wasn't until college that I found my best friend.

Luckily, most of those bullies went to the other High School in my district after 8th grade. I entered my freshmen year of High School with confidence, and made many new friends, especially kids who went to the other middle school who I hadn't ever seen before. I took my first ever Drama Class that year, and discovered my love for performing. In acting, I found that I could be whoever I wanted to be. I made friends who shared my love, and I even found my husband. I became an advocate for bullying, and remember when my senior friends and I watched some freshmen bullying on a kid at lunch. They took his iPOD away from him and threw it on the floor. One of my friends (who was on the Varsity football team) went over to that table, took the iPOD back, and told them that if we ever saw them pulling any of that again that they would be sorry. Then, he told the small kid being picked on to come and sit with us. I remember how the boy looked as he grabbed his lunch tray and came over to our table. He looked so relieved to feel safe...which is how all kids should feel at school.

I think that my middle school experience is one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about teaching in a middle school. I'm very open with my students about my experience with bullying and what my life was like at school during those awkward years. Many of my students are surprised that I was bullied, because I am very confident and assertive now. You can see the more "awkward" kids immediately sigh with relief when I tell my story about my past. They know they are not alone, and that things can turn out okay. My kids are able to feel more comfortable knowing that bullying is something that is absolutely not tolerated for any reason in my classroom. I conference with my students often about how their day is going and who their friends are, and my team and I make it a point to "peek" in the cafeteria during lunch to see how our kids are doing. I guess you can say, I'm always going to have a soft spot for that kid with glasses, reading in the corner. I was that kid.

The movie Bully chronicles the lives of several kids and families who have been bullied.

Alex- a middle school student who is called, "Fish Face" and choked, pushed, sat on, and hit on the bus daily.
Kelby- a high school girl who recently came out and has been persecuted for it.
Ja'Meya- a fourteen year old girl who got so tired of the bullying she brought a gun on the school bus.
Mr. and Mrs. Long and Mr. and Mrs. Smalley- two sets of parents whose sons both committed suicide as a result of years of bullying and torment at school, and are now activists for anti-bullying programs.

The movie doesn't even come close to showing what these kids really had to endure every day. Due to the original "R" rating by the MPAA, many of the films scenes had to be cut. The MPAA felt like the language and violence was too strong. Really MPAA? Well that language and violence is what these kids, and many kids, are exposed to every day. The film was definitely just an expository look into what bullying is like and how often it is happening. Unfortunately, to keep the PG-13 rating, the true cruelty that these kids had to go through daily was definitely "tamed down."

Some of the most haunting scenes from the movie are from Alex's school. I was appalled by the assistant principal's behavior in the film, and how she did little to nothing when kids reported bullying to her. I felt so heartbroken for Alex as kids stabbed him with pencils and threatened him daily. He was numb to the bullying, and didn't even know how to respond or react because he had grown so used to it. He even says in the film, "Pretty much a good day for me would be people leaving their hands off of me. People think that I'm not normal. I feel like I belong somewhere else."

I've seen so many students like Alex (and the other kids from this movie) since I started teaching. It is up to us as teachers to show kids that bullying in any form is not okay, and what bullying actually is. Kids don't understand that their words or actions might be considered bullying when they are consistently targeting another person. We have to teach kids to speak up and say something when they see bullying or are being bullied. We have to get the victims, and the bullies, help. It is not okay for kids to not feel safe at school. Like the film's tagline says, "It's time to take a stand."

My school is starting an anti-bully movement next year, and last week we brainstormed how we are going to approach tackling this problem. We do know that we are going to focus on teaching kids to speak up, and that we are going to emphasize using real testimonials and videos from actual kids (like in the movie Bully). Kids are more impacted by seeing other kids talk about bullying, which is just another reason why everyone should see this movie. I will be sure to let you all know how our anti-bullying efforts go as we further develop ideas in the next few months.

As we were leaving the theater, my friends and I couldn't help but wonder how Alex was doing today. I did some Googling, and found this video clip, that made me smile, knowing that Alex is doing well:

http://www.newson6.com/story/17402397/kid-featured-in-bully-film-finds-new-home-in-edmond

Please go and see this movie. Spread the word to your family, friends, students, and school. But most of all, please take a stand to help your students feel safe at school.