These past few weeks at school have been extremely daunting. I have felt more tired this year and more exhausted with each passing day. When I get home, it's been taking me so much longer to wind down from my day at school.
Why?
I couldn't exactly pinpoint the reason at first. I started by thinking it was because many of my teaching friends gained jobs in outside districts. Much of my support system is now gone, and even though I still keep in touch with all of them it is hard not having those teachers that you rely on for strength around you every day.
Then I thought, it might be because I'm busier this year than ever before. I am the co-sponsor of the talent show, fall play, and spring musical. I love working with the kids in these after school clubs, but it does require a significant amount of extra work and effort in addition to teaching all day.
Or, it could be that I'm starting my Masters in the Spring, and knowing the amount of work that is looming ahead is already making me tired.
Perhaps it's the new-ness of me being one of the two original members of my team at school, and knowing that others are looking to us for guidance and advice is wonderful, but makes me constantly wondering if I'm doing everything right. I want to make sure that everyone on my team feels happy and comfortable, and I want to make sure that I'm a good leader for them.
Plus, I was incredibly spoiled by my kids last year. I felt like last year was my "Golden Year" of teaching. My kids were motivated, eager, excited, you name it. They were involved in outside clubs with me, emailed me science links, and showed me every day how excited they were to be learning and in my class. I grew so close to all of them and the learning experiences I shared with them will forever remain with me. So far, my kids this year have been much more challenging. And then I realized it. All of the above issues (co-workers leaving, being busy, etc.) have been proving this year difficult for me, but one bold realization came to the surface:
These are not the same kids I had last year, and that's okay.
I went through this same experience during my second year of teaching as well. I'm sure many of you teachers can understand the attachment that grows between you and your first group of kids. You feel such ownership of your first group of "ducklings" and nothing can ever replace that. Those kids were my first "guinea pigs" as I found my teaching style, attempted new tactics, and failed/succeeded at various lessons. The bond between me and those kids can never be substituted.
The same goes for last year. I will never forget the memories and experiences that me and my "third years" shared, but I need to let them go for now. I can't hold my kids this year to that same standard yet. They are a new, fresh group of enthusiastic learners, and as their teacher I OWE them the chance of a fresh start with me. They deserve my every talent and effort, and it isn't fair to compare them to my previous year's kiddos (even though I know most teachers do that very thing-I refuse to be part of that stereotype). I know I will have wonderful memories with them as well, and even though they may be a little more challenging, I am confident that together we will have a great year. I know I will still see my third years at play practice/the musical, and I can look forward to watching my previous little ducklings grow. But now it's time for me to focus on my new chickadees, and give them all I've got. They are reminding me of what it's like to break in a new pair of shoes. You see a new pair of shoes that you can't wait to buy, and then when you try them on, it takes a while for them to fit just right. That's what these kids are for me: a new pair of shoes. I have to "break them in" and get them to the place where I want them, but I know that with time, we can travel on a terrific journey together and accomplish great things. I know that I have to be patient, but with this new realization I am so excited about the possibilities that lie ahead this year. Perhaps it's also a reason for me to go and buy a new pair of shoes. :)
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